Power
by Selphie Leonhart
Summary: Rinoa thinks about the repercussions of becoming a Sorceress, and comes to a tragic conclusion.


**Power **

By Selphie Leonhart 

This is kind of a vignette about how Rinoa feels about inheriting her powers, and the possible repercussions. 

Email me at : Selphie_Leonhart@day-dream.co.uk 

Finally, he left me alone. Squall had stayed with me on that balcony for the last hour. We talked, a little, but spent most of the time gazing at the stars. Oh, I loved star-gazing with him. The darkness suited us both, the wide, open night sky, the pinpricks of light, little beads of shining hope. We had met under the stars, those keepers of destiny which enthralled so many. It was only under them, that he truly came alive, lost his cold armour, became mine. And so we, silently together, stood side by side, shivering slightly from the chill wind which whipped my jet black hair around my face, and caressed us both. We were in a way, coming to terms with our new celebrity status, our new position as heroes, our new love. I knew it was a huge step for him, Squall, the icy shell which had seemed impenetrable at first, slowly melted under my persistence. He wasn't incapable of love. He was just unsure of it. 

The reason he left me....was because I asked him to. Not with words, but in my mind and like a puppet, he obeyed. The action, of using my power on him...it made me feel sick. It made me feel as if I was superior to him, and gave me a cold, sinking feeling. For if I was above him, then I was not his equal, and therefore unable to have a perfect love with him. It made me want to curl up, to become like a child again, whimpering for my mother's comforting words and warm embrace. To think a man so strong, so pure, could be touched by someone as tainted as me. Could love someone like me. I hated what I had become. I hated Edea for being weak enough to relinquish her powers to me without a struggle, I hated Adel, for contributing her power, Ultimecia, for finding Edea as a successor and therefore giving me her powers. Because, what it resulted in was I receiving the power of three of the most powerful Sorceresses of all time. And what did that make me? 

The only threat this planet could ever have. I, to my knowledge, and to SeeD's, am the only surviving Sorceress. What they don't know is, if I so chose, I could obliterate SeeD with one languid gesture. If I raised my hand, half shut my eyes, called upon my power, they would be no more. Quistis, Zell, Irvine, Selphie. I could kill them all. Even Squall, he would be unable to fight me. Well, he could try, but if I wanted, he would too perish. 

The very thought...it made me want to run, screaming. Life without him...it would be a waking death. Never before has my heartbeat quickened when I saw someone, never before has a blush risen to my cheeks whenever he so much as spoke to me. I would fight for him, viciously, ferociously. I would attack any who sought to take him from me. I would move mountains for him, give my life to extend his for one second. When he touched me...the electricity which ran through my Sorceress veins shocked me. But it was wrong, so very wrong. 

We had to grow up. Emotions, were irrelevant. I inherited not only the power, but the wisdom of the Sorceresses before me. He was the Commander of SeeD, the very organization committed to my destruction. After this party, surely the first SeeD mission would to be eliminate the last of the Sorceresses? The vile women, the evil priestesses. Tainted angels. I was the only one left. I knew what I was, and that I was neither evil, nor tainted. I was just as tainted as a human, I was still mortal. Surely, they could see that? That there was no difference...that this was so unfair. It made me sad, but at the same time strengthened me. I had been so lucky before, I had no hardships to overcome, I was never shut out, or discriminated against. To suddenly become hated, by almost every single mortal on the planet...it was heartbreaking. They would surely kill me before I could find a successor. It was ridiculous to imagine they would allow me to live - to stay with him! No, that could never be. 

I leant on the cool stone of the balcony. Looking out into the ocean, the calm, black glass of the sea below looked suddenly inviting. I could dive under the surface there....untroubled, calm, lost in beautiful oblivion. I took a step up on the railing, elevating myself so I could see the whirring circlet of gold surrounding the Garden. The wind seemed to pick up tempo, and ran cold fingers through my hair, flaring the strands out into a dark halo. I stretched my arms out, breathing in the salt air. I could taste it on my lips, the ocean. So easy....just to let go. He would forget me...eventually. Another woman would open his heart once more, my friends would move on. I could disappear, now. 

It was tempting, but not real. My heart, treacherous to the last, forbade me from hurting him. I could not be so selfish. I didn't care about the others... I liked them, but none of them knew the fierce, raw love which I held for Squall. The truth was, I needed him as much as he needed me. I know to others, I seemed to be someone who gave their heart easily, who had been brought up in love and security, and therefore was separate from them, the orphans. That simply wasn't true. I knew the pain of abandonment, perhaps more poignantly than them, because I had known my mother. I had known unconditional love. But that had been taken from me, and forever destroyed any chance I may have had of experiencing that kind of love again. I didn't give my heart freely. When my mother died, I lost something vital. Not even Squall could understand the total devastation and grief losing a parent causes. Even now, I cried for her. I longed to be back in the cosy parlour of my Deling City mansion, the very place which sickened me now, listening to the same haunting melody my mother would play over and over, whilst I sat at her feet, watching her with adoration. Mournfully, I wondered what she thought of me now. I was the most powerful being on the planet, and yet I longed for a lost childhood. 

Sighing, I was resigned to my fate. One day, not too far in the future, this beautiful Garden, the child mercenaries, the cold Garden masters, all would turn against me. And their leader would be Squall Leonhart, who vowed to be my Knight, who saved my life over and over, who was the only person who stopped me from throwing myself to the ocean. The Sorceress Rinoa could not be allowed to live. I threatened the life of the planet with my very existence. Like I once said to him, 'It would be alright if it was your sword that pierced my heart'. No-one else's could. They would die before they even reached me. I hated my omnipotence. I hated the fact that, I was dead either way. If he chose to stay loyal to Garden, then he would be ordered to kill me. And there was no way I could ever summon my powers to hurt him. It would be a thousand times worse than hurting myself. It was terrible to even let the thought cross my mind, the terrible sense of fear it brought with it threatened to choke me. I couldn't let it come to that. 

I knew what I had to do. Turning, I walked back into the ballroom. It was almost empty, only a few SeeD cadets remained clearing, sweeping up the debris of the night. Selphie and Squall were talking in the corner, he was smiling. He noticed me as I walked into the hall, my heels clicking loudly on the marble floor in the quiet murmur of the aftermath clear-up. He gave his drink to Selphie and walked over to me, a slight smile on his face. I smiled back, but it didn't reach my eyes. 

"Do you want me to walk you to your room?" he asked me. I swallowed hard, and shook my head. He looked concerned. I let a sigh escape my lips, and began to speak. 

"Squall, I want you to do something for me." I whispered. He frowned. I continued. 

"Leave Garden. Tonight." I said. He looked, almost angry. I wanted to explain, but couldn't. Instead he nodded. I smiled inwardly, he knew my worries. 

"I promised....if you became the world's enemy, I'd be your Knight." he said, hoarsely. I nodded, fighting tears. It was a futile gesture, the tears wouldn't come anyway. Sorceresses couldn't cry. 

"I am...I am the world's enemy. It won't be long, Squall, before they decide to act on that." I said, in a faltering voice. He turned his face to the side. I knew he couldn't bear this. 

"Then we'd better get going." he said, turning away. I wondered if he was angry at me for making him choose. Me, or his career. Me, or his friends. I realized it was almost as selfish as suicide had been. 

"Squall!" I called after him. He turned, and I saw ice in his gaze. I faltered. "You don't...have to. But I can't stay here." I said. I was pleading silently. Choose me, please, I begged, my heart skipping a beat as he appeared to hesitate. But it was just my imagination. There was no decision to be made. 

He held out his hand to me. I took it, unspeaking. We walked out of the ballroom, out of the halls, out of Garden. We didn't look back. The raven haired Sorceress, and her even darker Knight, silently fled from the Garden where their doom was already planted. As we walked, gliding like ghosts out of the shadow filled Garden, suddenly menacing, I looked up at the moon, and prayed we never saw another SeeD again. 

The end. 

Sorry about how dark this is....but I can't honestly think why the SeeD's would tolerate Rinoa, knowing what a threat she is. Oh well...at least they're together! 

Visit my site for more FF8 fanfic: http://www.RinoaLeonhartFF8.homestead.com 


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